Thoughts on a cancer diagnosis (not grim)

So.

I'm looking at a catalog that has these little dolls that are to help you explain what chemotherapy will do to mommy's hair. First it has long, flowing locks, then short, ragged hair, then bald.

The short ragged hair looks like mine now! Huhn. Guess we don't need that doll, eh?

Also, I read about letting your kid cut off your hair pre-chemo. This would probably be the highlight of Liv's life, getting to REALLY "do" mama's hair. In fact, I'm thinking about letting her dye it purple, first. But I am a tad concerned about going to chemo with a purple scalp the first few times. Meh. I'll be bald, anyway. What do I care?

Hey, here's another thought. Since I'll be bald as a cue ball, couldn't I get some temporary tattoos? Like maybe one for my beloved STL Cardinals during the baseball season, perhaps? 62 days, 3 hrs, 30 mins until the home opener, by the way. In case you, too, were counting.

I mean, hell. I'll probably end up wearing a wig part of the time. Why not have some fun when I'm not? Lord knows there's enough stuff about cancer that isn't fun. I certainly plan to exploit any fun I can get.

My painting of the day

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Click here to create your own painting.

Toddlers Gone Wild

You have GOT to read this blog post. It is absolutely the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I'm just sorry I didn't think of it first.

Although, while we're on the topic of teaching kids to say inappropriate or creepy things, el Freddo taught our darling princess one day to come up to me and say, "They mostly come at night. Mostly."

And on a totally unrelated note, watch this YouTube video if you are a fan of...well...chaos. Just watch it.

And for those of you uninterested in the above, here's a gratuitous cute shot of Her Majesty at her most adorable.

Blue Hand Group?

Okay, really. Add your joke here.

Did she vote 6 times in Iraq? Audition for Blue Man Group? Get the whole Lord of the Rings Uruk hai thing all wrong? (Sorry, if you're not a geek, just keep reading and ignore this joke; you won't get it.)

Or...could it be that I made the rookie mom error of assuming that bingo** "daubers" are actually water-soluble? Mmm...couldst be.

**I think it needs to be added here that I have not now, nor have I ever been, a bingo player. Craps? Sure. Cards? No problem. Bingo? Not til I'm 80 and live in Miami. It looked like fun for Her Imperial Majesty's art projects. 'Nuff said.

More Gotcha Day photos

Mind you, these were taken AFTER all the day's festivities when I realized I didn't know how to take the photos off my stupid new phone. Fancy schmancy piece of crap.

Anyway. Here are the photos of the Princess in her new dress for the occasion!

GOTCHA DAY 3.0

Today is the third anniversary of Miss Thing becoming a member of our family which, aside from marrying el Freddo, is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

So. I got the Princess all dolled up in a brand new dress. At her request, I, too, got decked out in heels, dress, diamonds-- the works. This, by the way, should indicate the seriousness with which we party on Gotcha Day. I wear heels for no one but brides nowadays.

We went to the party supply store and filled a basket with all the candies and little knick knacks she could handle, topped off by pearly pink and white balloons.

Then off to the McDonald's WITH THE FISHTANK. (It's a special McD, I'll have you know.) Then a round of hooting an hollering in the McD playland while wearing a very fancy dress, mind you. (I got a rude remark from some other mothers about little girls in fancy dresses at playlands, but managed to avoid giving them the Death Glare. It is, after all, a family holiday.)

Then we sailed off to the Mall to ride the biggest, baddest double-decker merry-go-round of them all. I bought 3 tokens and made it through 2 consecutive rides without ralphing. I decided I'd just save the third token for another day and not push my luck.

Her majesty then was free to examine every jewelry store to her heart's content, run races down the occasional empty Mall hallway, and generally go wild until, finally exhausted, we returned home for nap. And that is where she is right now, sacked out.

I have to confess that I am desperately, pathetically glad that she got tired before the next showing of Alvin and the Chipmunks, which was my fallback plan if she was still going strong in the afternoon. I must be living right.

All in all, a fine Gotcha Day afternoon.

The email quiz game redux

Here's a (somewhat redacted for online privacy) email from a great girlfriend of mine. And given her answers, I think it's the perfect thing to blog: [first the instructions]

Okay, this one is different - this is funny. YOU fill in the blanks
about ME and send it back to ME. But FIRST, send a blank one out to
all your friends, including me, so we can return the favor to you. Be
honest...they're really SCARY to get back. It only takes a few
minutes, so just do it! First, send (forward) this survey to everyone
you know to see how well he or she knows you.

Second, hit "reply" and fill this survey
out about the person who sent it to you and send it back to them.

1. Where did we meet? Evans and Dickheads

2. Take a stab at my middle name? No idea, but your maiden name was ***** I think... points for that?

3. How long have you known me? 5 years?

4. Do I smoke? No (And no for me - not even when drunk!)

5. What was your first impression of me upon meeting? FUN

6. Color of my eyes? blue

7. Do I have any siblings? yes - wait, no?

8. What's one of my favorite things to do? Shopping, possibly second to BLOGGING

9. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you? no - it was at E&D, I've blocked it all out.

10. What's my favorite type of music? No idea - stuff you can swing dance to.

11. What is the best feature about me? Also great hair and wardrobe - but more so, I think you are very strong.

12. Am I shy or outgoing? Outgoing, duh.

13. Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules? I think you do what you want but manage to make other people think it IS the rule!

14. What's your favorite memory of me? Just hiding away in your office to vent! And anytime you laugh - it's contagious!

15. Any special talents? oh my! You are a jack of all trades and I aspire to be you! cooking, baking, lawyering, mom-ing, gardening, blogging, dancing, fitness, etc.

16. Would you consider me a friend? Of course

17. How many children do I have? One human - and I can live vicariously through you thank you very much - and several furries.

18. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be? I don't do nicknames...

19. If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what is one thing
that I would bring? a laptop - to BLOG (in a fun color)

Who you gonna call?

Selectsmart.com helps match you with your candidate:

1. Theoretical Ideal Candidate (100%)
2. Barack Obama (86%) Information link
3. Joseph Biden (withdrawn) (85%) Information link
4. Al Gore (not announced) (84%) Information link
5. Alan Augustson (campaign suspended) (84%) Information link
6. Wesley Clark (not running, endorsed Clinton) (84%) Information link
7. Dennis Kucinich (83%) Information link
8. Hillary Clinton (79%) Information link
9. John Edwards (77%) Information link
10. Christopher Dodd (withdrawn) (70%) Information link
11. Michael Bloomberg (says he will not run) (68%) Information link
12. Bill Richardson (62%) Information link
13. Mike Gravel (withdrawn) (61%) Information link
14. Ron Paul (46%) Information link
15. Elaine Brown (40%) Information link
16. Kent McManigal (campaign suspended) (40%) Information link
17. Mike Huckabee (34%) Information link
18. Rudolph Giuliani (32%) Information link
19. Tommy Thompson (withdrawn, endorsed Giuliani) (28%) Information link
20. John McCain (27%) Information link

Must read

If you do not already read the Blank Top Chronicles online, you must.

Yes, I am a confirmed egg-head and no, this is not even remotely culturally enlightening. It is, however, frikkin' hysterical. Here is a link to my favorite recent blog entry.

Justifiable homicide?

So I'm suffering through the early stages of the Capital One Bowl-- God's own team, the Michigan Wolverines, and some know-nothing upstart team called the Florida Gators - whoever the h*ll they are.

Anyway, at the moment we're getting outplayed pretty tough. My little girl, hearing me groan, asks "What's the matter, mama?"

I tell her: "Mama's team, the ones in the yellow pants, are getting beat, honey."

"Oh," she says, "I like the ones in blue."

Would a jury have convicted me, do you think?

***

Footnote: Despite a rough-looking 1st half, the Wolverines pulled out a victory! GO BLUE!!!