How I feel

I've been trying, unsuccessfully, to explain to El Freddo how I feel these days. Why I'm so enthusiastically beating myself up in the gym. Why I'm just DYING of anticipation to go see my girlfriends for dinner tonight. Why I just can't stop emailing with all my friends online.

So I wrote another survivor about it. She and her husband run a business in Alberta. What she wrote sort of sums it up.

Yes, I know waht you mean about getting back to life after Cancer...I find myself happily doing things that used to feel like a drudge....stuff like cleaning the bathtub, now it seems to be FUN. And running the bobcat, and going for parts, and just anything. I love doing it. And heck, just running up and down the stairs for laundry seems great. I too feel lke I don't want to miss a thing...in fact, when I wake up early in the morning, I almost want to get up, and just watch the day start. I love it all, and listening to the crows and whatever, its great. I sure hope I never take anything for granted, ever again. This feels like it has been the biggest wake-up call I
could ever have gotten....just like someone smacked me on the side of my head, to get my attention. Well, they've got it, and now I am paying attention. I smile and smile and smile, even when I'm running the bobcat, I all of a sudden find myself smiling(or grinning I'll bet)
about something that is going through my mind and loving every minute of it. I refuse to grumble about anything anymore, I'm alive, life is good, and I'm so thrilled to be enjoying every minute of it.

So, really, the answer is: I'm beating myself up in the gym for the sheer BLISS it brings me to feel my body work after being so disabled for so long. My friends? Same sort of thing.

Today I don't feel like I could ever take anything for granted again.